Signs
by ficdirectory
Summary: Hotch tries to open himself up to signs from Haley with a little help from Garcia and Jack.  Written for the New Year's Resolution Challenge on CCOAC.


_He is the best physician who is the most ingenious inspirer of hope. _- Samuel Taylor Coleridge

It's been just over two years since he lost Haley. The ache he feels is strange. It's no secret that Aaron's marriage was rocky at the end. But somehow, losing her, it's as his memory is erased and what remains are only the best moments they shared together. Having Jack, for instance, who will be seven this year, in seven months. Jack has been keeping close tabs on this, and is already planning his party. He barely mentions Haley now and would rather not speak of her. He doesn't want to make Aaron sad.

They tried lighting a candle and talking about her before Jack went to bed at night, but his nightmares returned. Whether or not it was due to talking about Haley or the two-year anniversary of her death in November, Aaron wasn't sure. All he knew was that he didn't want to traumatize his son again.

Now that Beth has entered the picture, things are complicated. Jack is ambivalent toward her. He thinks she's nice, but "like a kid, not a mom." Aaron hasn't quite figured out where he stands with Beth either. She's nice, and it's nice to have a woman in his life to share things with, but dating…it's so different now than it was in the '80s. Beth texts him and Emails where he and Haley used to pass notes and call every night. It's more impersonal, but, according to Garcia, that's the way the world is now.

Aaron has been relying on Garcia quite a bit for help with Jack. Not for childcare, but to allow him a place to talk about things that might be bothering him. To talk about Haley without the ever-present fear of making Aaron sad. He had brought Jack to talk to Garcia a few times last fall, after Jack's grief seemed to turn briefly into Post-Traumatic Stress which manifested whenever he heard someone knock at the door, as George Foyet had done before he came. Before he killed Haley, while Jack had hidden in the house, listening.

Aaron uses the free time he has to clean his apartment. He stops short at the corner cabinet where he puts away Jack's Cocoa Krispies. The sight of Haley's tea there, causes his breath to catch. He had forgotten - or chosen to forget - this part. How, for some reason, beyond his comprehension, he had chosen to keep Haley's collection of tea in this very cabinet. How, one day, months after they buried Haley, Aaron had opened the cabinet to search for something else entirely, and noticed Haley's seven kinds of tea completely rearranged in the exact intricate order that she had kept them. It was as if she were still here.

While the sight intrigued him for a time, eventually, Aaron did his best to ignore it. It was too painful to imagine Haley here, when it was so obvious she wasn't. Now, when Jack draws family pictures at school, he draws himself, his dad and Jessica, in place of Haley. The sight of these pictures is like a punch in the gut.

Before he knows it, it is time to retrieve Jack from Garcia's. So he drives over, grateful to get out of the house. On the way, though, he thinks. Perhaps it's his dating again that is causing all this internal conflict. They talked of many things when their marriage was young and they were happy. Where Jack would go if, for some reason, something happened to both of them. Discipline for Jack. But, for some reason, they had never discussed marrying again, or even dating if something happened to only one of them. Aaron has no idea where Haley might have stood on the subject, and he is terrified to find out.

He knocks on Garcia's door and finds Jack up to his elbows in cookie dough, wearing an I-Pod. Jack turns, somehow sensing the presence of another person. "We're baking New Year's cookies!" he announces loudly, happier than Aaron has seen him in a while.

"That sounds great," Aaron says, trying to smile. "What are you listening to?" he asks, curious.

"I Want to Know What Love Is. Foreigner's singing it," Jack supplies. "It was one of the songs mom liked. Garcia went online and figured it out. And she found a bunch of other stuff Mom liked. If you wanna know what it is, just ask, and she'll tell you," Jack says, grinning.

"Thanks, buddy." This time, Aaron's smile is genuine.

"Dad, guess what? You should make a 'solution!" At Aaron's confused look, Jack elaborates. "It's like a promise for just you for what you want to do better on this year. Me and Garcia already made one. But they're secret. That's the only way they can come true."

"_Re_solutions," Aaron clarified and Jack nodded, distracted again by the cookies. "I'm going to talk to Garcia for a minute, okay? And then I'll come help you. There is no response, only the slight bobbing of Jack's body as he kneads the dough into balls and dances on the little stool to Agent Provocateur.

Garcia smiles and invites him to sit down on her couch.

Right now, Aaron is grateful for Jack's music and the chance to speak with Garcia candidly about his son. "So, how's he doing?"

"He's fine. He dreamed about his mom last night. A good dream. How are _you_ doing?" Garcia counters, looking serious. She can sense something isn't right. Her intuition has always been strong, and more often than not, it's been right.

"I don't know," Aaron admits, still hesitant. What will she think if he admits that he wants a sign from his deceased ex-wife? "For a while, after Haley died…I was seeing these signs…and I guess I chose to believe they were from her… At first, I was okay with it, and then…I guess…it started to get to me."

Garcia smiles gently. "It's not so unheard of," she reassures. "I get signs from my parents all the time."

He says nothing, only raises his eyebrows, surprised.

"Yeah, and at first they totally freaked me out. I thought they were kind of ominous and foreboding, like they were telling me something bad was about to happen. But after a while, I learned that they didn't mean any harm. It's just their way of staying connected to me. I dig that," she says, using one of their very favorite phrases.

"I guess I'm not used to contemplating things in the spiritual realm…" Aaron admits.

"You don't have to think about it in terms of that, though. That's the awesome thing about it. Just think of it as Haley reaching out to you and Jack, trying to stay connected. You know, I don't talk to Jack about heaven or anything like that, but I do let him know that his mom is always there for him whenever he needs her, and she'll let him know in little ways if he lets her. Like the dream he had last night. That made him really happy."

"You know…I'm not usually one to make New Year's resolutions, but…I guess I could stand to be a little more open…" he ventures.

"Totally up to you," Garcia reassures, smiling and getting up to help Jack put the pan of strangely formed cookie dough into the oven.

"Thank you for everything you're doing for Jack…I really appreciate it. If you need anymore information about Haley, don't be afraid to ask…" Aaron offers.

"Oh." Garcia says, seeming startled as she sets the timer on the oven. "You're welcome. And thank you, sir. I'll do that."

"Hey, Jack," Aaron says, bending down to his son's level. He smiles as Jack takes out the earbuds and looks at him seriously. "I made a New Year's resolution."

"You did?" Jack asks, smiling just a little.

And Aaron leans forward to speak softly to Jack, "This year, I want to be more open to Mommy and what she's trying to tell me."

For a moment, all is quiet, and then Jack's whisper falls into the shell of Aaron's own ear. "That's what I want, too."

Aaron can't help believing.

So, that evening, is it any wonder that he finds five pennies on top of his meticulously clean dresser? They are dated 1970, 1971, 1987, 1988 and 2005. Aaron knows instantly the significance of each year:

The year he was born. The year Haley was born. The year they met. The year they were married. And, of course, they year Jack was born.

Instinctively, he reaches into his pocket and is shocked as his hand closes around one more.

Aaron takes it out and slowly looks at it. A sixth penny, dated 2012. The year is so new, Aaron hasn't seen one like this yet. He shakes his head in disbelief. He blinks hard.

Still, here it is in his hand…a promise for the future.


End file.
